Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Love enters with a tiptoe and leaves with the slamming of the door.

It felt complicated in the way that all breakups feel complicated when you're embroiled in them. While in cruel actuality, most are really quite simple. And it goes something like this: one person falls out of love—or simply realizes that he was never really in love in the first place, wishing he could take back those words, that promise from the heart. Looking back, I can see that that was likely the case with **** and me—the simplest explanation is often the right one, my mother used to tell me.

Isn't it funny how you can think you're completely over someone but if you drive past his school, stumble upon a meaningful song you both shared, or even get a glance of him on the street....just in an instant, it can change all that.? And you start to remember the pain. And that hollow space is feeling more and more like the Grand Canyon with every second that goes by. But you bury these feelings deep down, so deep that you're sure no one will be able to tell. To the outside world, you smile and act like nothing is wrong or will ever be. Everything's just perfect. For that split second that you've locked eyes, a tiny whisper, say 'make this last forever, only and just this moment forever and ever'. But after a second or so, you go along your own merry way, all the while home realizing how much you do miss him, how much you still love him...and it sticks with you for days, weeks, maybe months, until fate decides to hand you another one of those unexpected moments. And then you finally understand the worst feeling in the world is when the person you love most is standing right next to you, yet you can never have them. Try as you may, you can't make someone love you...


For Him:
I think about what would happen if you ever, by chance, heard one of our songs. Would you just change the channel because you hate it now, would you stop and think and remember me and everything we had, or would it just keep playing on the radio just as if you hadn't noticed? I would hate to think that it wouldn't hit you that that was our song, 'cause then I would have been forgotten. At least if you turned it off 'cause you hated it, then there are some feelings still left in you about me. Our relationship was like this beautiful thing, and I don't think that you understood the power of it.


'My home was wrecked way before you came into the picture. I am just now done trying to rebuild it.'


xoxo

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