I tell myself I'm gonna be alright, but it's still not clear.

It just hurts so badly sometimes. Sometimes it feels like you're being thrown into a train track, but the train only hits your heart. Continuously. Over and over again. Without failure. When you're young you don't really appreciate the fairy tales that are thrown into your face at such a young naive age. So you sit there and watch them -- hoping that someday you can be a professional Cinderella. Getting older you realize that maybe you have to be looking for your one true love and maybe he doesn't exist. Every teen thinks that they can get through their own personal heartbreak. The first guy: that one who throws fluttering butterflies into your stomach and makes you believe that he will be there forever. You don't know that soon he will go away and it will seem as if he left you. You're not by yourself. . . Heart in hand. Crying to whoever will listen. A few months may go by. Maybe a year or two and then you meet someone else who does the same things to you. You try and go in with 'baby steps,' finally you give in; break down your wall; and start to think you 'love' again. But what is love? Just a word that some hopeless romantics used to describe his feelings for someone? What about the other words that people throw into your world of lies? Fate, destiny, ambition, serendipity -- the words that mean the most to you are the ones that hurt the most. The words that you find yourself dwelling over three days after they are said; three days after you supposedly made up with that person. The three days that are always in a month. The first couple months of a relationship are always the best. Maybe they should just end there. Maybe everyone isn't meant to be with just one person. Maybe three or four in a lifetime is more like it. What if you stay with your 'high school sweetheart' for the rest of your life? You don't learn anything and you are remembered as the person who married their first true love. Does anyone really care? Maybe some people think that they can't do any better and that scares them to death. That's the way I've felt way too many times. Every time though I find someone new to date, it feels as if I have done better than the last time. I think that people are corrupted to love another person. That is what they learn and may make that their own personal mission in life: to find that special someone who loves you. You can make yourself love anyone. See past their bad qualities and look to their good; past their looks -- into their heart. You stare straight into their eyes and feel as if you are the only one that they will ever look at again. But do we really want to be touched by a hand that has touched so many? Doesn't it make you wonder why they are alone also? Do they share the same bad qualities as you do? You can't make someone change and mold into what you want him or her to be. You just have to know that if they are the right person for you, you can either love them or leave them. Love the person that they are deep down inside. Sometimes, though the pain of hanging on is stronger than the pain of letting go, if you're like me, you like to think you can make someone stay with you. Sometimes you have lost so many people in your life that losing another is too hard to let happen… so you keep trying -- looking at other guys and dreaming about what your life would be like if you could be with them, just for a little while; what you could learn from them; that they'd pay some kind of attention to you and then drop you like you never meant anything to them; tell you that they never liked you, then where are you? You are stuck between a feeling of heartbreak and a feeling of some kind of relief. Heartbroken that you will never get to know what it would all be like and relieved that you will never have to change a thing.